On Music, Ritual, and Moderation

Writing Challenge Day Four :)

Music has played an integral role in my life, for all of my life. I grew up listening to my parents’ CDs during long drives that we did several times a year; the most common route being between seven and nine hours long. I had a portable cassette tape/CD player boombox that I would listen to for hours on end at home. I still remember the first CDs that weren’t my parents, but were mine*. I would often fall asleep to CDs**. Even still, music is incredibly important to me. From tracks and playlists that I have for all sorts of moods, to “Happy Songs” and feel-good pieces that will bring a smile to my face and warmth to my heart no matter the mood. Music has connected me with people, and has kept me in touch with those memories and those flavours, even if I’m not in touch with that person anymore as we walk different paths in life.

One of my favourite bonding experiences to exchange with people is music taste, and songs. I share songs I like with people that are close to me, and I love receiving songs back from them. The amount of new discoveries is also something I cannot overstate the beauty of. Whether it’s a new song, or a new artist, or an entire new genre, the discoveries that you make through sharing music are simply amazing. The absolute best among which is not necessarily finding something unfamiliar to you, but hearing it through another person and uncovering a newfound appreciation for music. An example in my life of such a discovery was suddenly beginning to listen to song lyrics, after years of mostly just listening to the melodies of voices. An ex emphasised the lyrics in music and chose songs on what they said as well as how they sounded, and it revolutionised the way I listened to music. To this day there are songs I’ll see in an entirely new light as I listen again, and actually hear the lyrics.

And of course, there are so many more small pieces of the souls of everyone that has shared music with me like it.

Beyond the social aspect of music, a more recent development for myself has been to use music almost as a self-diagnostic tool. Listening to a song for its overall sound when I’m in a generally good mood, and then listening to that same song for the lyrics when I’m in a pensive mood or feeling down, for example. Or, I can often tell if I need a break from and a breather if I’m shuffling through all of my music without making a choice and skipping everything after ten seconds because “it’s not right”.

I know that myself and several friends—perhaps some of you readers, too—have “seasonal music” that comes back around the same time every year. This doesn’t necessarily entail festive music like Christmas songs, but moreso listening to a certain artist in Autumn, or having a sudden craving for this album in March as Spring starts. Some songs, albums, and artists have been that way since school, as I would always end up listening to them during the summer break or as school started. I still have a few songs that I associate strongly with my early schooling years and playing outside by my friend’s house by the lake; and many others just as strongly associated with other, specific scenarios and memories. A specific type of winter day will make me pine for a videogame soundtrack that I used to play for comfort when I was younger. This works in the other direction too: if I hear a song I strongly associate with a season, it will vividly remind me of that season and of that day. It always blows me away just how strongly and intensely interwoven music is with my memory.

Something that naturally evolved to be a part of my life as I grew up right alongside the rise in popularity and accessibility of the modern internet, was the availability of music. It is something I have grown increasingly aware of as of late. Not just in relation to music, but many different aspects of my life are now at my fingertips. Literally just a touch away. That is, on the one hand, an absolutely amazing aspect of the internet and a testament to how far technology has come. On the other hand, I have been missing the ritual that came with music (and other things) before, as I was growing up.

I initially grew up with CDs and cassette tapes, although the latter was mostly for audiobooks and stories. Then, I had a nokia brick phone which had some local songs stored on it. Eventually, that turned into an ipod. Music was suddenly at my fingertips. But there was still a ritual to it.

Now, this is not to say that CDs have suddenly disappeared from the world and I haven’t touched a CD since then. Far from it—I still regularly listen to CDs. However, the limitation is that I listen to them at my parents’ place. Of course, as I move to Japan I plan on getting a CD reader. I hope to have a record player in the future. I find the ritual of selecting a CD and the limitations of just that album, just those songs to be comforting. This limitation is also part of something bigger, not just limited to music.

These past years, I’ve been slowly trying to grasp at that limitation. To enjoy silence in order to enjoy music more. Not necessarily intentionally. Forgetting my headphones at home and not being able to listen to music until I got back home, for example. Or when last Winter, my wireless headphones stopped working. While I went about trying (and failing) to repair them and then subsequently purchasing new ones (then repairing those), I didn’t have access to the usual amount of music that I do for multiple months. However, I also have been increasing my intentional moderation of music in specific times. I stopped wearing my headphones while running or going to the gym since last Summer, for example. I wanted to intentionally focus more on my form and muscle use, and the usual music that I listened to occasionally made me forget about that or run to a specific rhythm that I was ‘assigning’ my body, rather than listening to the rhythm of my body. This has brought about surprising results. I feel more in control during workouts and have had better performances. Though a lot of the ‘hype’ that I’d feel from gym music has gone down so performance spikes have decreased, my overall average performance has gone up.

Besides that, I never listen to music on my solo hikes, and barely ever listen to music when I’m on a trip somewhere or exploring. I still have songs that I associate with trips and listen to music in transport. But when walking around in nature or in a new destination, I find myself not wanting to listen to music. Wanting to enjoy the silence, or take in the ‘music’ of the place that I’m exploring.

Much in the same way that CDs and records and cassette tapes bring their own ‘limitations’, but have their own amazing world of surprises and fun, having moments of silence and breaks from music brings out a much richer flavour from the music that I do find myself listening to.

Now, I will more often ask myself the question of whether I want to listen to music at all in any given situation. I have found that I listen to music more ‘intentionally’ these days. The discoveries of new songs have more frequently brought with them that magical feeling of a new vibe that I loved when I was young. If and when I listen to music, it feels like it is more. Not always. But I’ve gotten better at that intentional listening. Mind you, I’m still listening to a lot of music and songs, and I will listen to many, many more. It just feels nice to be able to maintain the magic of music despite, and thanks to, “growing up”.

To end the blog post on a more positive note with the internet and music in the modern world, I love the connectivity in the music world that the internet has brought. Besides records making a comeback, the fact that so many more people have access to music making and sharing has been nothing short of a blessing. I have stumbled upon so many obscure youtube videos and hidden little websites or playlists that have shown me some of my most treasured tracks today. Besides new artists that are doing amazing things with music, the internet has also given access to icebergs and icebergs of older music that never would have been discovered otherwise. Just this month alone I’ve listened to a handful of albums from the late twentieth century and early 2000s that I adored, but that I never could have imagined hearing without the internet and its connectivity.

There is so much more I can write about as music is truly so close to my heart and soul, but for now I’ll end it here. Music is a magical, beautiful thing, and I hope to continue sharing, enjoying, and receiving music for as long as I live.

To those of you who have read until the end, please do share your favourite songs and albums. I’m always on the hunt for more.

*My first CDs that I remember were MIKA’s The Boy Who Knew Too Much (2009), and Owl City’s Ocean Eyes (2009). I still have them!

**Gregorian, Masters of Chant (2000). I listened to it for the first time in years after writing this, and it is difficult to put into words the burst of memories, calm, and complicated feelings that went through my very soul. I felt like I unlocked the key to a diary that I’d kept hidden away in plain sight.